7 First Messages That Actually Get Responses in International Online Dating

Getting someone to respond to your first message online? That’s the real game. You can have the perfect profile, great photos, interesting hobbies — but if that opening line falls flat, none of it matters. And when you’re trying to connect with someone across borders, maybe even across oceans, the stakes feel even higher. Cultural differences, time zones, and language barriers. It’s a lot.

Here’s the thing, though: the principles of what makes someone want to write back aren’t as mysterious as dating apps would have you believe. After countless conversations with people who’ve successfully navigated international matchmaking platforms like https://goldenbride.net/, patterns emerge. Specific approaches consistently get responses. Others get ignored every single time.

This guide breaks down seven message types that actually work when you’re reaching out to someone in a different country. Not theories or guesses — fundamental approaches that have proven themselves in the wild world of cross-border digital romance.

Why Your Name (and Theirs) Actually Matters More Than You Think

Generic messages die a quick death. When someone opens their inbox and sees “Hey, beautiful” or “Hi there,” they know instantly that you’ve sent the same thing to fifteen other people. Maybe fifty. The delete button practically presses itself.

Using someone’s actual name changes everything. It’s such a small detail, but it signals effort. It says you looked at their profile long enough to remember who they are. And when you pair that name with something specific, what did you notice? That’s when people start paying attention.

Let me explain what this looks like in practice. Say you’re messaging someone whose profile mentions they collect vintage cameras. A message like “Hi Maria, I noticed your collection of film cameras — do you develop your own photos, or do you have a lab you trust?” does multiple things at once. It uses her name. It references something she cares about. And it asks a question that invites her to share more about her passion.

Compare that to “Hey, you’re cute, want to chat?” The difference is night and day. One shows you’re genuinely interested in who she is. The other shows you’re interested in… well, getting a response from anyone who happens to be online.

The international angle makes this even more critical. When someone’s considering connecting with a person from another country, they’re already taking on extra uncertainty. Will you understand each other? Do you have anything in common beyond attraction? A personalized opening proves you’re willing to put in work. That matters.

Questions That Actually Invite Conversation

Asking questions sounds obvious. But most people get it wrong. They either ask something too broad (“How are you?”) or too closed-ended (“Do you like traveling?”). Neither invites a real conversation.

The sweet spot is asking about something specific in their profile that requires more than a yes-or-no answer. If they mentioned sailing, don’t just ask “Do you sail?” Instead, try “What’s your favorite spot to sail?” or “How’d you get into sailing in the first place?” These questions prompt them to recall experiences, share stories, and tell you what matters to them.

You might be wondering why this works better than compliments. Compliments are fine, but they’re dead ends. Someone says “Thanks” and then what? Questions create momentum. They give the conversation a direction.

Another approach that consistently gets responses: asking about recent experiences. “What’s the most exciting thing you’ve done recently?” lets them choose what to share. It could be a trip they took, a project they finished, or a great meal they had. It doesn’t matter — what matters is they get to talk about something that made them happy.

Finding Common Ground Without Being Obvious About It

Shared interests are gold in international dating. When you’re from different cultures, finding commonalities helps bridge that gap. But here’s where people mess up: they just list the shared interest without building on it.

Saying “I see you like hiking” is worthless. Everyone can see that. What you want to do is use that common interest as a springboard. “I see you love hiking too! What’s your favorite trail so far?” or “That photo from your mountain trek looks incredible — what elevation were you at?” These show enthusiasm while inviting them to share more.

The key is demonstrating that you’re not just checking boxes. You’re actually excited about the possibility of connecting over this shared passion. That energy comes through in how you write about it. Short, generic references feel obligatory. Specific questions with a bit of personality feel genuine.

Cultural differences make this more interesting. If you both love cooking but you’re from different countries, you can explore that. “I noticed you’re into cooking — what’s a dish from your country that you think is criminally underrated?” It’s playful, it’s specific, and it opens up a conversation about culture without being heavy-handed.

The Power of Being Slightly Ridiculous

Safe and boring is the imaginative play when you’re nervous about making a first impression. But safe and boring also gets ignored. Standing out sometimes means being willing to be a little playful, even a little absurd.

Questions like “If you had one animal sidekick for life, what would it be and why not a raccoon in a hoodie?” are designed to make someone smile. They’re unexpected. They show personality. And they’re way more memorable than “What do you do for fun?”

Sounds obvious? Maybe. But it works. The person reading your message probably got twenty other messages that day. Most of them said something along the lines of “hi” or “you’re pretty.” Your raccoon question is the one they’ll remember. And if they have any sense of humor at all, they’ll want to respond just to see where the conversation goes.

Another example that works surprisingly well: “Imagine we just bought a house together — what dog breed do we get?” It’s forward funny. It’s hypothetical and ridiculous, so it doesn’t come across as pressure. And it invites them to play along with a silly scenario.

The international context makes playful approaches especially effective. Humor helps break down the formality that can exist in cross-cultural communication. It signals that you’re not taking yourself too seriously, which makes you more approachable.

When Something in Their Profile Makes You Actually Curious

Everyone has something unique about them. It could be an unusual hobby, a surprising travel destination, or an intriguing photo. When something genuinely catches your attention, lead with that curiosity.

This isn’t about manufacturing interest — it’s about being honest when something stands out. “I’ve never seen anyone with a collection of antique maps before — what got you started?” or “That photo of you at the ice hotel in Sweden looks surreal. What was that experience like?” These messages work because the curiosity is real.

The mistake people make is trying to play it cool or asking questions they don’t actually care about. That insincerity shows through. When you’re genuinely intrigued by something, your message has energy. You’re not just fishing for a response — you actually want to know the answer.

In international dating, profiles often include cultural elements that might be unfamiliar. That’s an opportunity. If someone mentions a festival you’ve never heard of or a tradition you’re unfamiliar with, ask about it. “I saw you celebrated Songkran with your family — I’ve never experienced that. What’s it like?” It shows respect for their culture while opening up a conversation.

Why “Hi” Is Never Enough

Starting with just “Hi” or “Hello” puts all the work on the other person. They have to come up with something to say, carry the conversation, and decide whether you’re worth their time. Most people won’t bother.

Conversation starters do the heavy lifting for you. They give the other person something to respond to right away. “Hi, Ashley! What did you get up to today? Any favorite local restaurants?” is infinitely better than just “Hi, Ashley!” The first version already has momentum. The second version is a dead fish.

The structure that works best combines a friendly greeting with immediate engagement. You acknowledge them, then you give them something specific to respond to. “Your profile caught my eye — what inspired your travel photos?” tells them you’re interested while also inviting them to share stories about something they clearly enjoy.

Let’s be honest: in international dating, you’re already fighting against people’s natural skepticism. Is this person serious? Are they just browsing? Do they actually want to connect, or are they bored? A strong opener that demonstrates effort answers those questions before they’re even asked.

Questions That Lead Somewhere

Open-ended questions are the backbone of good conversation, online or off. They can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. They require thought. They invite storytelling.

“Which of your photos is your favorite and why?” is a classic for a reason. It lets them share something personal while giving you insight into what matters to them. They may pick a travel photo because adventure is central to their life. Perhaps they like an image with friends because relationships are what they value most. Either way, you learn something real.

Another strong opener: “What’s something most people wouldn’t guess about you from your profile photo?” This invites them to reveal something unexpected about themselves. It shows you’re interested in the person beyond the surface. And it usually leads to interesting answers that give you plenty to work with for your following message.

The flow of conversation matters more than you think. A good first message should make the second message easy to write. If you ask a question that elicits a thoughtful response, you’ll naturally have follow-up questions. The conversation builds itself. But if your first message is weak, you’re stuck trying to manufacture interest out of nothing.

What Actually Gets People to Respond

Keep it short. Friendly matters more than clever. And authenticity beats everything else.

The temptation when crafting a first message is to try too hard. You want to seem interesting, witty, and worth their time. But overthinking leads to messages that feel forced or try-hard. The best messages combine personalization with a light touch — show you noticed them, ask something that invites an honest answer, and don’t be weird about it.

Confidence matters, but confidence doesn’t mean being aggressive or overly forward. It means being comfortable enough to show genuine interest without hedging or apologizing for it. “I’d love to hear more about your time in Barcelona,” beats “Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if maybe you might want to tell me about Barcelona?” Own your interest.

Humor helps, but forced jokes fall flat. If something genuinely amuses you, let that come through. If you’re not naturally funny, don’t try to manufacture it. A sincere question works better than a failed attempt at comedy.

And here’s something that trips people up constantly: cultural sensitivity matters in international connections. What reads as friendly in one culture might seem too forward in another. When in doubt, err on the side of respectful curiosity. Ask about their culture, their experiences, and their perspective. Show interest in who they are as a complete person, not just a potential romantic partner.

Making It Work for You

The seven approaches covered here aren’t magic formulas. They’re frameworks based on what consistently gets responses in the messy, unpredictable world of online matchmaking. Some will feel more natural to you than others. That’s fine. Use what fits your personality.

The core principle underneath all of them? Show effort. Demonstrate genuine interest. Make it easy for the other person to respond. When you’re reaching out across cultural and geographic boundaries, these principles matter even more. You’re asking someone to take a chance on connecting with someone from a different world. Give them a reason to.

Playful questions work best for you. You may be better at asking thoughtful questions about shared interests. You may excel at noticing unique details and building conversation around them. Test different approaches. Pay attention to what generates responses. Adjust accordingly.

International online dating can feel daunting at first. The distance, the cultural differences, the uncertainty — it’s a lot. But if you approach that first message with authenticity and genuine curiosity, you’re already ahead of most people. The goal isn’t to be perfect. It’s to be real enough that someone wants to know more.

So experiment with these message types. Find your voice. Be yourself, but be your best self — the version of you that’s genuinely interested in other people and willing to put in the effort to connect. That’s what gets responses. That’s what starts conversations. And sometimes, that’s what leads to something real.