Ethical Non-Monogamy Online: Expectations and Etiquette

In the previous decade, people have become more open to non-monogamy and open relationships. At the same time, ethical non-monogamy is becoming mainstream, people are curious about what it means to be open or polyamorous. Doublelist is just a single platform of many online platforms, which allows you to connect with people who are looking for casual encounters or long-term partnerships. But to enter into non-traditional relationships, one has to understand the expectations and etiquette involved.

Defining Ethical Non-Monogamy

Ethical non-monogamy is when you have more than two people involved in an openly intimate relationship with the consent and knowledge of all parties involved. The “ethical” aspect deals with fair communication, defining boundaries, and being transparent with all the while treating each other with respect.

The most common forms include:

Open relationships. Primary partners agree to pursue casual sex or dating outside of their relationship. This might include experiences such as a bisexual hookup, where individuals explore connections beyond traditional gender boundaries.

Polyamory. Having multiple romantic/sexual relationships with the consent of the persons involved.

Swinging.  Sexual activities with others take place between couples, usually at parties or clubs.

The basis of ethical non-monogamy, regardless of the style, is honesty, consent, and ensuring the well-being of all partners.

Online Platforms for Exploring Non-Monogamy

Online sites like Doublelist provide a way for those curious about non-monogamy to dip their toes in the water. Doublelist reported over 3 million users, indicating growing interest in ethical encounters.

Users can post personal ads telling what they are interested in, the specific demographics they want, and relationship objectives. The site also features location-based browsing to locate matches in the area. Once connected, Doublelist’s private messaging system will let people vet potential partners and set expectations.

If you want discretion, Doublelist lets you omit the personal details and pictures when creating ads. Additionally, there is no vetting of user info, nor are there background checks, leaving it up to the members themselves to be extra careful when vetting matches.

Crafting Successful Non-Monogamy Dating Profiles

Creating an appealing dating profile is critical when venturing into non-monogamy online. However, it also requires treading carefully to avoid misunderstandings. Here are some best practices:

1. Be upfront about your situation. In your profile, clearly state you are non monogamous or in a partnered relationship.
2. Describe what you are after. Casual encounters? A secondary partner? Detail your goals.
3. Share pertinent details. Include children, fluid bonding preferences, etc.
4. Make use of current photos that fit the description. Do not appear differently than advertised in surprise matches.
5. Keep it classy and positive. Early communications should not be negative or overtly sexual.
6. Emphasize discretion is required. Do not out someone who is seeking privacy.

Crafting an authentic, detailed personal ad enables finding compatible matches interested in what you have to offer within an open relationship context.

Initiating Contact and Vetting Potential Partners

Once connected with promising matches, the work begins to vet if you click beyond a profile. When reaching out:

1. Personalize messages using profile details. Avoid copy-pasted introductions.
2. Look for questions to ask to assess how compatible they are. Look beyond physical attributes.
3. Be responsive and have a genuine conversation. Do not play “hard to get.”
4. Offering low low-stakes first meeting, like coffee or a walk. Keep it casual.
5. Early on, clarify whether or not you are looking for a relationship and what’s expected of you. Get everything on the table.

It takes time for that understanding and comfort to develop so that hurt feelings down the line are avoided. Intimacy moves too fast and can damage the process of building initial emotional connections first. And be patient, let things organically advance.

Meeting in Person

If virtual conversation goes well, agreeing to meet in person represents the next step. However, the non-monogamous context requires additional considerations.

Some tips:

1. Meet in a public place like a café or park initially. Do not invite home right away.
2. Drive separately and meet there. Avoid a trapped feeling.
3. Tell someone where you are going and share contact info. Take safety precautions.
4. Have an exit strategy if you feel uncomfortable. Do not feel obligated to continue the date.
5. Start with friendly, low-pressure conversation. Let things flow conversationally.
6. Discuss next steps clearly before parting ways. Manage expectations.

Proceeding thoughtfully and slowly allows both parties to assess if the match feels right. Never hesitate to reschedule or end things if it does not meet your needs.

Navigating Intimacy and Setting Boundaries

If that first meeting goes well and you both wish to take things to a physical level, pause to discuss comfort levels and boundaries before getting intimate. Key questions to ask potential partners include:

1. What are your safer sex requirements regarding protection, sexual health, and testing?
2. Do you have any acts or role plays that are off-limits?
3. What information, if any, can I share about our encounters with others?
4. How much post-date communication do you expect following intimate dates?
5. How do you prefer to schedule and confirm upcoming dates?

Thoroughly reviewing dos and don’ts prevents misunderstandings and ensures you craft personalized guidelines for your connections to succeed.

Be particularly aware of common non-monogamy pitfalls like ghosting, jealousy, and poor communication. The lifestyle only functions through upholding commitments made to partners and offering them respect.

Ending Things Respectfully

While the hope is for mutually fulfilling bonds, sometimes connections fizzle or no longer meet needs. End things with empathy and care when necessary.

1. Provide closure through direct but compassionate conversation.
2. Be honest about why things are ending but avoid blaming tone.
3. Offer flexibility for a final intimate date, if reasonable.
4. Delete or remove photos and other sensitive materials.
5. Wish them well and disengage contact if required.

Just because a relationship ends does not mean it was a failure. People grow and change, and honoring others even during breakups maintains the integrity that ethical non-monogamy rests upon.

Crafting Fulfilling Open Relationships

Ultimately, successfully navigating online platforms like Doublelist comes down to leading with empathy, communicating expectations clearly, and upholding boundaries once established. Moving too quickly or failing to vet partners carefully results in hurt feelings or other pitfalls.

When done ethically, non-monogamy provides exciting opportunities to intimately engage with multiple partners in transparent, mutually supportive relationships. Clarifying wants, building connections gradually, and offering all involved respect establishes healthy, open relationship foundations. Prioritizing consent, honesty, and care in the lifestyle leads to profoundly fulfilling bonds over time.